Let go

After the conversation we had today.
I just realised my leave or stay makes no significance or importance to you at all.
As you said it has always been the case.

I will remembered that.

His secret garden

Everyone has a secret garden. 
I should say, everyone was in a hope of searching for such space.
A mystic place to hide your true feeling.
A space where you can express all your emotions through the invisible conversation with the air.
A place for self redemption, reflection and revitalisation.
A place to hide himself from the brutal world.
A world that intolerant with his existence.

Somehow, we are all searching for this mystic garden.
There is only one boy who are lucky enough to find this place

He sat there quietly and patiently. 
He repeatedly told himrself "Nothing really matter, nothing really matter".
He stretched, yelled and cried like a fountain.
 A fountain surrounded by wilted trees and dead birds. 
No one noticed his sorrow.
All of a sudden, three dark angels fallen from the sky.
And they tortured him with their horns.

Before he closed his eyes.
This secret garden fell apart.
It is so unbelievably peaceful. It seems all the worries are gone.
There is no pain anymore, 
However, that dark angel crushes his eyeballs.
And he knew it is all happening right now.
There is no way back.
And it was not a dream.

It is just his fantasy.
A world that he could hold your beloved one.
So tight and both of them said: Never let go.

It is raining now.
The secret garden vanished in his imagination.
Nothing is real
His blood diverted into the brown rusty drainage.
One of the angels closed his eyes and whispered.

Wake up, there is no secret garden.
It is all real.

You are mean to be here.
Meeting us and eventually die peacefully.
Right here, right now.                 

The boy uttered his last breathe and whispered.
I knew this is gonna happen.
Just never thought that was you.
I came here becasue of you.
And now. I will leave.

And I am free from your control now.
Forever and ever.
Nothing really matters.

Goodbye.  

Exhausted

I am talking about my mind, not my body.
I said: I am unwell and shattered.
I am saying my soul, not my physical entity.

Tonight, I sat quietly at home by myself.
Questioning myself what am I fighting for here?
Here. London.
For better career? For an escape? For love? For my future?
Silent. I have no answer at all.
Just a thought of this idea, I know I am not alright.

If you don't change your mentality.
No matter where you are. That's actually stay the same.
Too many things to worry but no one can talk to.
I hope there is a listener who willing to listen but not judge me.

You wouldn't know.
Yes, you wouldn't understand what I am going through.

Goodnight.

If I were a girl in SS2012

青春少艾就日是這種啦, 跟Prada做返女啦!


let's be blind and blue in fashion with ACNE

A glimpse of solitude - Eiki Mori

I vividly remember the time when the parcel arrived; it is 8:12pm at night when I was back from a rainy day in East London. I forgot to bring my umbrella and very tired both physically and emotionally. Something bad happened but I forgot the details already, anyway, is not a particularly good day for me.

When I carefully unpacked the parcel, I revealed a book named Tokyo Boy Alone – a precious gift from my dearest friend Eiki Mori from Japan. Eiki and I have never met in person. He studied Photography in Parsons School of Design and now working in Japan very successfully as a portrait photographer. I came across his work in flickr and since then we become friends. When he asked my address in London, I thought he is going to send me a postcard, something light, something sweet, something I can handle or something small. I did not expect it is a book that had been haunting me for several days. It is a book about two objects I obsessed with - solidarity and boys.

Eiki expressed his view on how people and city connected to each other, how boys lived in a city and how they are viewed as the subject in our society. It is like a self-reflection of my London life – being separated from my beloved family and friends in Hong Kong. And I have to face all cultural shocks and differences in the western culture. I strongly agreed that it is not a book about sadness and depression; this is not Eiki’s intention. On the contrary, it projected a sense of intimacy rather than segregation of emotion. Something very close but untouchable, some emotion we long to express but couldn’t find the right words to say. Eiki captured the moment of distant proximity and visualised beautifully through his camera.

Eiki wrote about something remarkable in his mind:
Just before the sunrise, when everything is still and the passing moment seems almost palpable. I’m so tired to worry about what will happen when the sun is high up in the clear sky.
Then, at that exact moment, I see that light I’ve been searching for.

I am thankful that Eiki opened my mind for being alone in London. We are somehow emotionally connected to each other. I can’t wait to give you a big hug to express my love and appreciation of your aesthetics. You read my mind by your lens and show me being solitude is not a bad thing at all.

Gentlewoman

Here we go, A glimpse of autumn/winter yellow with Olivia Williams

When they collide

Magazine perfectly merged two of my favourites together - fashion and graphic design. I am insanely obsessed with fashion magazines since I was working as an intern in City Magazine, Hong Kong in 2005. Since then, I have never stopped my passion for magazines.

The visual, the paper, the page, the relationship between the text and the visual, the tactile feeling, the pagination, the typographic treatment, the space, the void, the positive and negative space and most importantly - the experience when you read the magazines. Many magazines tend to expand its influence through digital strategies; however, I am old fashion person that keens on buying magazines from bookstores. It explained why every time when I saw the latest issue of free(magazine) – COS in store, it is like you find a treasure for free. The wizard behind Fantastic Man, Gentlewoman & Butt - Jop van Bennekom always transformed these magazines into a charismatic person with an inexplicable allure.

When reading and buying magazines become an unstoppable habit. I guess I am suffered from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder in Magazine. I wish I know how to quit it, but I guess there is no way out.