Let go

After the conversation we had today.
I just realised my leave or stay makes no significance or importance to you at all.
As you said it has always been the case.

I will remembered that.

His secret garden

Everyone has a secret garden. 
I should say, everyone was in a hope of searching for such space.
A mystic place to hide your true feeling.
A space where you can express all your emotions through the invisible conversation with the air.
A place for self redemption, reflection and revitalisation.
A place to hide himself from the brutal world.
A world that intolerant with his existence.

Somehow, we are all searching for this mystic garden.
There is only one boy who are lucky enough to find this place

He sat there quietly and patiently. 
He repeatedly told himrself "Nothing really matter, nothing really matter".
He stretched, yelled and cried like a fountain.
 A fountain surrounded by wilted trees and dead birds. 
No one noticed his sorrow.
All of a sudden, three dark angels fallen from the sky.
And they tortured him with their horns.

Before he closed his eyes.
This secret garden fell apart.
It is so unbelievably peaceful. It seems all the worries are gone.
There is no pain anymore, 
However, that dark angel crushes his eyeballs.
And he knew it is all happening right now.
There is no way back.
And it was not a dream.

It is just his fantasy.
A world that he could hold your beloved one.
So tight and both of them said: Never let go.

It is raining now.
The secret garden vanished in his imagination.
Nothing is real
His blood diverted into the brown rusty drainage.
One of the angels closed his eyes and whispered.

Wake up, there is no secret garden.
It is all real.

You are mean to be here.
Meeting us and eventually die peacefully.
Right here, right now.                 

The boy uttered his last breathe and whispered.
I knew this is gonna happen.
Just never thought that was you.
I came here becasue of you.
And now. I will leave.

And I am free from your control now.
Forever and ever.
Nothing really matters.

Goodbye.  

Exhausted

I am talking about my mind, not my body.
I said: I am unwell and shattered.
I am saying my soul, not my physical entity.

Tonight, I sat quietly at home by myself.
Questioning myself what am I fighting for here?
Here. London.
For better career? For an escape? For love? For my future?
Silent. I have no answer at all.
Just a thought of this idea, I know I am not alright.

If you don't change your mentality.
No matter where you are. That's actually stay the same.
Too many things to worry but no one can talk to.
I hope there is a listener who willing to listen but not judge me.

You wouldn't know.
Yes, you wouldn't understand what I am going through.

Goodnight.